FatCat's MoneyConfessions - helping you save (& make) money, one click at a time

Jokes

Hi FatCaters, thought it would be a good idea to have a joke section here for the lighter side of money.

Any jokes, videos or photos you think are going to touch the funny bone (no, not that bone) then post away here.

I'll start the ball rolling (don't worry, the bar will be set low ;))

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 000, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"My God!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?"

Tags: jokes, money

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Miffy on July 15, 2008 at 8:59pm

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. (George Carlin)

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Permalink Reply by Manish Dev on July 16, 2008 at 12:10pm

You know you think about your portfolio too much when...

You gave your broker a gift on the fifth anniversary of the day you opened your brokerage account, but forgot to give your wife anything on your wedding anniversary.

You tell your children they can't go to college because you are convinced you can make another 15% on their education accounts when the market turns around.

When asked to speak at your graduation, you recited line-for-line Gordon Gekko's "Greed is Good" speech.

You miss your business partner's funeral because BHP is releasing its earnings report... after all, if they were still alive, they would want you to carry on with business as usual.

You made your sixteen year old niece get a job at a little-known manufacturing company in the hopes that she would over hear something and give you valuable insider trading tips.

After a company has a disappointing quarter, you throw all of their products out of your house in anger and call your extended family, demanding they do the same.

The All Ords drops 10% or more, you demand your family skip one meal a day so you can quickly raise cash to buy stock at the new, cheap levels.

You wander the house on Saturday and Sunday because you have nothing to do. Every hour, on the hour, you loudly announce to the house the time remaining until the Japanese markets open.

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Permalink Reply by Bytta on July 30, 2008 at 8:55pm

are some of these your personal experience? :D

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Permalink Reply by moonbuggy on August 2, 2008 at 11:53am

To continue with the lawyer jokes...

An old man was on his death bed, and wanted to be buried with his money. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."

At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 to repair the roof of the church."

"Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new X-ray machine for the pediatrics ward at the hospital which cost $20,000."

The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, I enclosed a check for the full $30,000.

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Permalink Reply by Di on June 30, 2010 at 1:11am

good joke that one!

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Permalink Reply by JeffK on August 31, 2008 at 6:02pm

Here's on how we can get the making of money all wrong sometimes...

.........
An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Greek village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna.

The American complimented the Greek on the quality of his fish and asked, "How long does it take to catch them?" The Greek replied: "Only a little while."

The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Greek said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs. The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Greek fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play cards with my friends, I have a full and busy life."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats.

Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution.

You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Athens, then London and eventually New York where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The Greek fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?" To which the American replied, "15-25 years."

"But what then?" The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions ... Then what?" The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play cards with your friends."